Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Alice and the Fairytale Princesses
Alice and the Fairy Tale Princesses:
Throttling the Road Of happily ever After
Alice had just come home from another blind date her girl friend Jill had organized, and again she was royally disappointed with the night. James was a professional archer, worked part time as a graphic editor for a publishing company, never been married and had no children. On paper he seemed perfect; successful, athletic, intelligent but most of all single and disengaged. James was a mocha surprise; he had a really smooth deep tan, about six feet five inches, strong jaw bones, almond eyes, succulent lips and strong clear clean teeth. Alice has an obsession with men who have a really good dental plan, for her the teeth can be a deal breaker. Surely he can be an accomplished and attractive man but if a guy smiles and she does not notice that sparkle that certifies perfection, then it all goes out the window. James, was a cross between Curtis Mayfield and a young Sean Connery, he had all the features of Mayfield, dark and robust but also carried that charming edge like Sean Connery in Gold Finger. However, that was as far as the chemistry went, for some reason as James mastered his skills in professional archery he also adapted the eating habits of a Greek lord and spent most of the night attacking the meat on his plate with his fork: As well as, making rude chauvinistic comments about the place and responsibility of a woman in reference to her position as a wife and mother. For this reason, Alice ended the night by escaping to the ladies room and never returning but she did, however; pay for the dinner, just to show James that women of the twenty first century can be independent and not depend on the financial assets of a man.
Note to self stop relying on Jill to find my dates; I mean this was almost as bad as my miniature golf date with Jill’s brother Jack.” Said Alice, Jack apparently had obvious issues with gravity and spent most of the night tripping over the obstacles on the course until he accidentally sent Alice flying into a pond, ruining her vintage channel chiffon dress. "Never again, never again,” said Alice in a melancholy tone: “I have grown tired of this entire affair, I think I’ll grow old and alone, it’s probably best. I mean I’m not getting younger and time is of the essence, time is of the essence. What am I going to do, I can’t leave New York, my family is here and work, it just would not be possible.” Lying on her bed Alice was contemplating her options. “I hope things change soon or I’ll have to take drastic measures to find myself a husband, soon it will be too late."
Alice in a tired tone, “too late, soon it will be too late.” Alice silently drifts off to sleep.
Someone was tugging on the bottom of Alice’s dress as she was sleeping, she tossed and turned but there was still something or someone pulling on the end of her dress, Alice awoke to some disappointment to find the white rabbit anxiously awaiting her to come to her senses. And as such she realized she was back in the land of wonder. “Fancy seeing you back here so soon,” bellowed the rabbit. “What am I doing here?” snapped Alice. “Darling that’s a question you must answer on your own,” remarked the rabbit. “Don’t give me that Rabbit, you’re always aware of everything, please don’t let me go through a wasteful journey in search of the truth,” said Alice. “But my child you know the journey is always vital, especially in understanding why you’ve met your destination and Alice I did not bring you here, you came on your own volition,” replied the rabbit. “No I did not, no I did not choose to come here” exclaimed Alice.
“Your subconscious has a deeper understanding of why choices are made Lady Alice and most certainly something is troubling you and perhaps you’ll find your answer here,” replied the rabbit.
Alice shifts from where she is lying, rubs her eyes with her hands and finally takes in her present surroundings, “Where am I by the way?”
“You’re in Fairyland,” said the Rabbit.
“Yes I know but where specifically,” replied Alice.
“You’re in the land of the Princesses and your first stop is with the fair Snow White,” answered the Rabbit.
Alice replies “Snow White huh, that should prove to be interesting ok point me in the direction” –
“You’re not going anywhere dress like that are you?” scowled the Cheshire cat suddenly appearing with his famous wide grin, smiling down upon Alice and the Rabbit.
“O of course Lady Alice we have to get you properly suited,” cried the Rabbit and with a tap of his watch which, was tucked into the pocket of his waist coat and a sudden flash of light, that prevented Alice from seeing for a second or two, everything was different. The Cat glared and motioned Alice to the small lake across the forest trees and Alice took in the image in the pond; her recent dyed brunette locks were replaced with long barrel golden curls, cascading down her shoulders all held together with a blue ribbon. Her dress was white and fair with blue flowers rustling across the sleeves and hemline and her feet were strapped in blue Mary Jane’s. But most of all Alice was looking into the eyes of a girl she had long forgotten and missed so very well. The rabbit had not just only changed her clothes but reversed her age, Alice was thirteen again.
“Is all this necessary?” Cried Alice.
“But Of course you cannot be frolicking across fairyland looking like an off spring of the mad Hatter and Hare. I mean you’ve grown into a wonderful young woman lady Alice but your type of, ah, attire is simply not suited for these parts.” Snarled the Cat.
“O! Yes, yes, the cat is quite right Alice I’m afraid you have to look the part entirely and I think your tender innocence is much suited for the task ahead.” Said the Rabbit
“Task ahead what do you mean?” asked Alice.
“I say no more, duties await me, I shall see you soon.”
“How will I find you?” replied Alice.
“You never have to look Lady Alice, I’ll be around,” and with that Rabbit went rushing off into the distant sun, vanishing between the bumble berry shrubs.
"I must be on my way also Lady Alice, it was quite a pleasure to see you again, everyone knows you’re around, so be on the lookout,” said the cat.
“O Cat I wish we had more time to spend together, I’ve missed your cynical wisdom,” said Alice with a menacing smile.
As the Cheshire cat’s body began to gently vanish, he smirked at Alice “and we’ve missed your witty human ways, farewell Lady Alice until next time,” and he was gone.
Alice was now alone in the middle of the forest the sun was now high in the sky and the little animals could be heard whispering and sneaking around the forest floor. The robins were singing perched on umbrella shaped trees and the dears were roaming the open field in the distance.
“But o wait the Rabbit never said where exactly Snow White would be, exclaimed Alice. What am I to do now? O well I’ll just head down that old beaten path," looking out of the corner of her eyes with a bored smile.
Several hours had gone by since Alice was following the broken trail; between trees, twisted turns, hopping over small puddles of mud and stopping every now and then on an old log to catch her breath. It was mid afternoon, and Alice was making another wide turn, wondering aimlessly, she spied a small cottage house and an old woman in haste rushing from the premises, by the time she got closer the old woman had appeared to be swallowed up by the burly bushes adjacent to the cottage. Alice gently turned the lock of the cottage door and entered on the floor laid a beautiful young woman, who appeared as though she was sleeping. Her face was pale, and dark thick curls brushed against her restful cheeks. Without out a doubt it was Snow White, dressed in her famous blue and red blouse with the white collar and bellowing yellow skirt.
“Snow White,” whispered Alice.
Alice’s eyes wandered around the small cottage, there were tiny tea pots, plates, cups and spoons scattered across a long wooden table that seated seven. The chairs were small except for an extra one that was quite big compared to the others and stood at the end of the table.
“I guess that’s where the fair Snow white dined,” said Alice calmly.
The cottage was bright red with green trimmings almost looked like the inside of Santa’s elves work shop; Alice smiled while making this connection.
“Ouch! What the hell was that?” screamed Alice, an apple rolled across the floor in front of her, she spun around on her heels to face Snow white who was still lying on the floor motionless.
Alice leaped to the floor and shook Snow White furiously, “You don’t pretend, wake up, wake the hell up! I know it’s you, it’s just the two of us here, get your tail up! Shouted Alice. Your beauty is not going to charm me, open your damn eyes, we need to talk.”
“What is it you want and who are you?” snarled Snow White.
“She Speaks!” chimed Alice.
“Yes I speak, now what’s your business here? I am on a schedule here ok! I can’t afford to waste time with a silly child,” said Snow White.
“I am no child!” Retorted Alice,
“You sure look like one,” said Snow White
“Well looks can be deceiving,” smiled Alice.
“Don’t I know that!” replied Snow White.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” questioned Alice.
“Oh what the hell," snow White decided it was best to entertain the stranger, the sooner she would get back to her task at hand. "Let’s get this over with, you’re obviously here because you’re lost, so how can I help you? What’s your name?" Asked Snow White.
“Well you can say I may be lost, I don’t know exactly why I am here but I know you are a part of the answer.My name is Alice.”
“Alice who?” Cried Snow White
“Alice, you know, Alice of wonderland…Off with their heads…the disappearing cat, Mad Queen, blah blah blah.”
“Oh Alice, fancy seeing you around here, last I heard you flew down some chute into the future, living in a big apple or something or the other.”
“Yes, that’s true,” responded Alice.
“Well how can help you? Time is of the essence you know, I’m scheduled to meet my prince soon and I can’t be seen chattering away with you or else I’ll have to go through this worthless charade between my stepmother and me,” said Snow white.
"That’s exactly what I think I need to know, why is it you go through all of this?"
"Why of course to meet my prince, how else could a girl meet a decent guy around here, if not by poison or some deep sleep, we have to be rescued,” said Snow White looking at Alice in astonishment.
“So you put yourself through this entire issue of being poisoned, just to get a prince.” Asked Alice.
“No!” “No!” “My dear you have it all wrong. It’s not real poison as you can see, my stepmother is harmless, the number of princes in land is rapidly declining and princes are noted for being adventurous and it worked for sleeping beauty so why not me. I mean Cinderella was a lucky girl, well if you consider the fact that two years later there was a another ball, at which her prince was enchanted by another beauty. He no sooner divorced Cindy and she’s back with her step mother and sisters, poor thing,” explained Snow White.
“Are you serious, I have never heard about that,” squealed Alice.
Putting her index finger to her lips," it’s on the Q – T, or the down low, if word got out it would be devastating to the human world. Cindy's story serves a purpose to ensure and preserve true everlasting love. I know, I know it’s far from true and it’s sure not everlasting but no one needs to know the minor details,” Snow white chuckles and stares at Alice surprised face.
‘So do you love your Prince,” asked Alice.
‘Didn’t I just say minor details; look it’s bad for a woman of my age to be without a husband, who knows I may end up stuck with these horrible dwarfs if I don’t get married soon. On that note, I think you should be hustling along now. Take this it’s a traveling hat put it on and it will take you to where you need to be ok.”
“But I still have more questions,” beckoned Alice.
“I have to get back into position, pass me that apple, Snow white motioned to Alice to pass the partially bitten apple. Now shut the door behind you and good luck. Oh, by the way,” Snow white was re-positioning her gown and gently fixed the apple near her palm, she turned to Alice and said, “don’t be so hard on yourself, pick yourself up some sleeping pills from the old witch down the road if you like, you never know!” And with that she was passed out again, appearing as an enchanted image of beauty and restful grace.
‘I’ve simply had enough of this,” sighed Alice.
“Put the hat on and be on your way, you’re close, just pay attention Lady Alice.” Said the Mad Hatter
She spun around just in time to see the Mad Hatter dashing into the clustered trees.
“Come back here you silly Hatter” screamed Alice
“I have something of importance to attend to, I’ll see you soon Lady Alice but you should continue your journey as well, farewell.” And the voice was gone.
With that said Alice flung the Hat upon her head and with a flash she was standing at the bottom of all tall tower,
“Hmmm, this seems familiar; it’s all about fairytale princesses, so this must be Rapunzel.”
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the golden stair, it’s your girl Alice.”
In no time Alice was climbing the long golden braid, as she entered the tower Rapunzel’s hands were outstretched waiting for Alice.
“I’ve missed you Lady Alice” said Rapunzel.
“I know I’ve missed you too my dear friend it’s been quite a long time.”
“Yes but I can see time has not aged you at all.”
“No! No, yes it has but the rabbit was up to his tricks again, or as he said it was much safer to be here looking like this instead of my adult self.”
“I know what he means the women here are crazy now, their desperate for men, they’ll do almost anything to get them and that includes eliminating the competition.”
“I never thought you would still be here, were you not living with the
Prince in the Palace,” said Alice prying.
“Yes I was but I moved about twenty years ago Alice, marriage life was not for me and made much of myself since leaving. I’ve started a weave factory and export wigs to international markets."
"Wow, that is surprise how do you manage?"
"Well instead of buying sleeping potions I bought a growth spurt potion and use it on my hair, I have an annual growth sprout. The little elves help me to fo the weaving.Hold on, I need to cut this.”
Rapunzel steps to the window of the tower and swings her locks outside the huge opening; she takes a large scissors and cuts a good portion of her hair off, it falls with a loud thud to the ground.
“Yes where were we, I heard you need help.”
“Who told you that?”
“Snow White sent a message before you came.”
“How did she do that?”
“Through the crystal ball of course, anyhow what’s on your mind darling”
“I think I’m just glad I saw you, there are no more questions.”
“So you’re leaving so soon?” said Rapunzel
“I’ll be back I’m sure but continue to take care of yourself. By the way how am I getting down from here?”
“Oh that’s easy I had stairs put in when I moved in but you can use that same hat it’s a tele-portation device. Farewell Lady Alice, see you soon.”
Alice puts on the Hat and is surprise to find that she’s back at the edge of the forest and rabbit is there waiting
“Have you found what you’re looking for Lady Alice?”
“Not quite but I think I now have an idea of what is needed”
“Ok then well I guess my job is done.”
“Thanks for your help again Rabbit.”
The Rabbit takes off his gold top hat and nods appreciation to Alice, I must be on my way again. As he is about to turn the corner and disappear into the night air, he asks Alice.
“What is it you think you need?”
“To give up on fairy-tales”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“It’s time I face reality that my life is quite okay just the way it is, if I get married sometime in the future that would be fine but if I don’t it’s not the end of the world.”
“Ok Lady Alice, fare well”
Alice awakes in bed smiling, turns to her dresser picks up a stack of dating journals, and magazines about finding a husband, walks into the living room and throws them into the fire place.